To protect and serve...

...Is the motto of our beloved police force, correct? If I'm wrong, let me know. For now, we'll go with the fact that I am always right (just don't ask The BFF or The Teacher about this. They will tell you some sort of ridiculous lie proving otherwise.) In that case, I have a question. Is serving me with a speeding ticket what they were talking about when they came up with said slogan? I didn't think so.

It's true. I got my first speeding ticket yesterday. Ever. And I totally don't think I deserved it. For the following reasons:

1.The location of the incident.
Those of you that live in the city of trees know the certain stretch of road I was pulled over on. Right as the freeway becomes the connector. Before you even reach the Franklin on-ramp. Where there isn't a speed limit sign anywhere close. I don't know about you, but I don't consider myself to be on the connector until I reach the Franklin on-ramp and can see the mall to my left. That's where I slow down. And I was pulled over right before I hit that spot. Fair? I think not. I'm going to personally write a letter requesting a sign that states; "Welcome to the Connector-Home of the 55 mph speed limit. Please slow down NOW!" Seeing as how I am so powerful and convincing, I'm sure the powers that be will listen. So watch for that sign to come soon!

2. My impeccable character.
I am a very organized driver. All of my insurance cards are stapled to my registration and then stored in a handy envelope. Isn't there some sort of organization discount? If not, there's another letter I need to write.

3. My impeccable character (again).
I was clearly going with the flow of traffic. And I could have been an asshole and asked him if he did his 12-point check and all that jazz, but I didn't. And he still gave me a ticket. Two, to be exact, because I didn't have my most current insurance card (which was effective March 1st or something ridiculous like that. Seriously?!). Apparently, Officer Douchebag hasn't heard about going with the flow. Of anything. Not only do I get to pay $75, but I get to take a trip to the court house and visit with a clerk to show them that I am, in fact, an insured driver. Did I mention that fact that there are at least 11 old insurance cards all stapled together? And that the last one expired on February 28? I did?! Right. Just making sure we're clear.

Really, I'm not annoyed at all. It happens to everyone. Officer Douchebag was just doing his job. Protecting and serving.

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While we're on the subject of the po-lice, I suppose its a good time to tell you about my first trip to Portland. We were maybe a month into our freshman year of college. The Hot One and The Artiste were planning their first weekend trip home and asked if I wanted to join. I didn't give a definite answer, but said I would think about it. Until they asked The Roommate if she wanted to go too. With no hesitation whatsoever, she said she was in. Not wanting to be outdone or left out, I said I was in too, and that next weekend, we were off.

That weekend, in addition to eating delicious homemade food (yaki soba noodles anyone?) and spending way too much money shopping (the no sales tax thing seems like a great idea at the time!), I got the chance to truly find out who The Artiste and The Hot One really were. And my suspicions were confirmed: they were just as crazy as I thought they were.

All of their old friends from high school were in town for the weekend, and they had a huge reunion party. Keep in mind that I'm from small town Idaho; the party was out of control compared to what I was used to. The Artiste and The Backbreaker officially coined the phrase "rocking the Winnie," I was introduced to the wonders of Skyy vodka, and The Roommate decided she wasn't ready to call it a night when everyone else finally did. And so she invited the two sketchiest people at the party home with us.

I'm not making this up. In THO and TA's circle of friends and acquaintances, they were known as The Murderer and The Rapist. The Murderer was a Golden Gloves boxing champ, and had just recently spent a little time in prison for beating someone with a metal pipe.

The Rapist wasn't technically a rapist; he was just reallly creepy and reallly touchy-feely. And there were some rumors that he didn't fully understand the boundaries involved when a girl passed out from too much alcohol.

And The Roommate really invited them over. It was an uneventful end to the evening, but it still gave me great insight into who I was dealing with.

All in all, the trip was a good one. The ride home, however, was a long one, and its where the po-lice come into play.

Oregon cops are assholes. We had 2 cars on the way back-one with the 3 of us and one with The Artiste and her sister. We were a mere hour into our drive, when we rounded a bend and came face to face with a cop. TA was leading and so she got pulled over. Both for speeding (maybe 10 over the limit. Maybe) and for not having a clear view in her rearview mirror. Thankfully, she didn't get a ticket.

Because we were following her, we drove a few miles and then pulled over. Bad idea, as the cop pulled up behind us a little later. Apparently its not a good idea to wait for someone you were following, if that someone was speeding. It most likely means you were speeding too. And he did have a point. But, he chalked it up as a learning experience and we were off once again.

The drive between Portland and Boise is a long one, but not a bad one. In the day time. Because its pretty. Nightime is a different story. Being girls, when nature calls, we have to find an appropriate facility. Unfortunatley for us, there was not one in sight and nature was calling persistently. And so we pulled off and found a nice empty field. With some razorblades decorating it. Why they were there we do not know, nor did we wish to find out. We were just glad that we had all somehow managed to avoid them during the peeing process.

And back in the car we went. A short time later, still following TA, a car came racing up behind me, with headlights flashing. Not knowing what the hell was going on, we pulled over to the side of the road and let it pass. As it flew by, we recognized the familiar marking of a state trooper. 'Weird that he didn't have his actual lights on,' we thought.

A short time later, we saw the state trooper and his latest prey, 2 semi-trucks. As we passed them, the officer did the weirdest thing. He turned his flashlight on us as we passed, and hopped into his car. And pulled both of us over. The 2 semi-trucks both had to follow, so he had 4 cars pulled over all at once. And what was our crime this time? He 'paced' us and said we must have been going at least 15 over the limit. Not true in any way, shape, or form. Don't you think we learned our lesson the first time? Again, TH was leading and this time she got a ticket. And a date in court. Like I said, Oregon cops are assholes.

We did finally make it home, without any other incidents. Except for when my contact fell out as I was driving. But I think you've heard enough. And I've definitely typed enough. So until next time...

PS: Anyone else know what whistle-pigs are? Or is that an Idaho thing?

Workin' out, weddings, and wings...

I finally sucked it up and made my way back to the gym today. And it was not fun. But is the gym ever really fun? As I was sweatin' it out, listening to some sweet tunes, a couple thoughts came to mind and I thought I would share with you. I know you're excited!

There was this man. He was wearing a rainbow-striped jacket. It was manly rainbow striped, mind you, but it was still RAINBOW STRIPED. Needless to say, I was jealous. And if I could have snuck my way into the men's locker room and stolen it, I would have.

(The rainbow jacket also made me think about my awesome Rainbow Bright halloween costume. And how pissed I was when two other girls were wearing the same costume downtown. Except they were lazy and bought their costume, unlike myself. But I digress...)

There was this other man. He was in front of me, and he was spinning like no other. He was also sweating like no other. We're talking dripping buckets of water. All over the bike. All over the floor. It was gross. So gross I had to focus on the woman running on the treadmill behind me who was making shooshing noises as she was breathing. How am I supposed to concentrate on not falling off the elliptical with these two?

My last thought involved the girl at reception desk. Wearing three-inch heels. Hi, you work at a gym. A smelly, sweaty, swooshy gym. Why are you dressed up? Why is any of the staff dressed up? Hell, the trainer wearing new pants is too dressed up if you ask me. I get the whole "being professional" thing, but at a gym? I think as long as you don't smell and don't drip sweat on me, then we're good to go!

But enough about the gym. Without the crazies there to entertain me/gross me out, what's the point of going? Oh. Right. Working out. I suppose that's a good point. And as time is ticking in the COT weight loss challenge, I should probably make the gym my new best friend.

In other news, wedding season has officially begun. I got the chance to celebrate the nuptials of Ben and Raylene on Saturday. It was definitely a weird experience being in the audience. But quite an enjoyable one. Instead of worrying about being watched, I got to do the watching! And there were some very HOT firemen to watch! And some funny, drunken dancing. And The Teacher was a bridesmaid and she did a beautiful job. Favorite part? Besides the cake, you mean? Loved her dress and I loved the fact that they got to ride around in an old school fire truck. Very romantic! I have more thoughts of weddings, but I'll save them for another post.

Because I want to talk about wings! Buffalo wings, to be exact. Select members of the COT and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday and I'm in love. Not only with the wings (honey bbq style) and the fries, but with TRIVIA! I know I posted about trivia before, but can I just say how much I love it? Random, useless facts combined with my really good knack for guessing equals the best time ever! So who wants to go?

Why not having cable is awesome...

1. I wouldn't have gotten to spend my Sunday night vaccuuming out the heater grate in my kitchen. Or mop my floor with washcloths on my feet (old school style!).

2. I never would have gotten the chance to watch the tv show Legend of The Seeker. Let me tell you, it is some of the best acting I have seen in a while. How do I describe it? It's Harry Potter meets Walker, Texas Ranger, with a little Xena, Warrior Princess and LoTR thrown in. I can't believe I was able to tear myself away from it to even write this blog!

3. It gave me a chance to re-bond with my movies. I'd forgotten just how good She's the Man, Love Actually, and The Goonies really are (I'm kind of serious about this one!).

I know everyone reading this is truly enthralled, but really-I need cable! That will hopefully happen soon.

Before I go any further, there is one very important cast member that needs introducing. I could never forget about The Teacher (her nickname needs some work, but I'm not very creative at the moment), but it had been a while since I'd talked to her, and so she wasn't in my daily thoughts. But she is most definitely a very important character in my life. And she is in town for the next little while and I am very happy about that. Her good friend (and mine now, thanks to her!) is getting married next Saturday and her bachelorette party was last night. Apparently, Mulligans and 10th Street Station don't get a lot of bachelorette parties. Or know what a Scooby Snack is. Eventually, we ended up at the more group-friendly bars, and they were packed. Spring Break will do that, I guess. Too bad I don't still get a Spring Break. I could use one!

It was fun, and I'm excited for the wedding next week. Still don't know who I'm taking as my date. Any takers?

I feel like doing an Irish jig...

...And then kicking someone in the face.

Didn't expect that, did you?

I don't know what it is, but I'm sick of people. Actually, I do know what it is. I'm sick of people who judge everyone else. I'm sick of people who take advantage of everyone else, myself included. I'm sick of trying to do nice things for people, only to have them go unnoticed and unappreciated. Whatever happened to just saying thank you?

I know I said yesterday that I was ready to move. And I'm so there again. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life, for new people and new adventures. At this point, I'm not even worried about having to move all by myself. Security blankets are fucking over-rated. Moving won't happen anywhere in the new future, but if an opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't think twice.

And now I'm sick of being grouchy. So instead I'm going to focus on having a good night with The Artiste. She deserves it and so do I.

But if I see someone not wearing green, I'm totally going to pinch them.

Days like these...

First, I have to make some changes to the cast list. From here on out:
The Vandal is now QS.
The Golfer is now The Pro (he is lucky he gets this name, since he picked it out. And it is true, he is The Pro. At procrastinating, whining, ordering expensive food, and not being successful at anything having to do with water).

And together, they are starting a blog (thanks to me!). It should be a funny one. But we will see.

Anyways, blacklight golfing was fun, Tucanos (the new Brazilian grill) is lame because it is closed on Sundays, BFF makes damn good cupcakes, and the boys tried to teach us this new game called Pyramid, which is actually just Egyptian Rat Screw. I was definitely off my game last night and sucked it up. There's always next time, though.

Today pretty much sucked. I woke up late (as usual), work sucked, I had the worst headache, and had to use M2J2 and PIC's computer to do some lame work shit. Whoever thought that working 50 hours but only getting paid for 40 hours was a good idea was a complete asshole. I will find ways to make up for it though. Its just the way of the world.

The dog is currently trying to chew through the box and get her toy out. What an awesomely mean game! M2J2 is pretty much an awesomely mean person though.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day and apparently The Artiste and I have a new tradition. She just had TAD in January and is fully ready to celebrate. Just like we did last year. So it is kind of like her one holiday out a year. We will see what happens!

I still need to add new cast members. But I'm tired and still grouchy. So suck it.

Weekend Update

So far, my weekend has been pretty uneventful. Went to bed early last night, worked today, and then I got to see Miss R (my cousin from IF) at her gymnastics competition! Despite the fact that it lasted approximately 3 hours longer than it should have, it was a good time! She can flip with the best of them. I am always amazed at the thighs gymnasts have. How do they find pants that fit both their waist and thighs? I would probably just wear a lot of skirts.

But enough about thighs! Tomorrow I get to mini-golf it up in honor of The Golfer's birthday. I'm sure I will dominate (unless any of the holes have a raised cup. Anybody know what I'm talking about? They get me every time.), but in case I don't, at least there will be cake! That wraps this installment up, with the exception of this...

M2J2, this rap is just for you.
You've got a cute dog and a very cool wife,
But living in Boise is causing you some strife.
Take my advice and live and let be,
Because without this town, you wouldn't have met me!

Heeyyy! Who's a rapper now?

Grandma Wava Day makes everything better.

I know I've written about this, one of the holiest of days, before. But I have once again realized just how powerful it truly is. Any problems you may have get erased by french toast, bacon, doughbellies, tater tots, salmon patties, trampolines, and ping pong. If only there was a way to ensure that I could be there on Thursday nights and back to reality by Friday morning...

In other news, I am suffering from my yearly case of laryngitis. Not bad, just very quiet. And it did make me miss out on an awesome night with Houston Calls, but no regrets. I blame the po-lice for that entirely!

Speaking of the po-lice, did I ever tell you about the time we* got pulled over twice in the same day? Oregon cops are assholes. End of story**.

Not really, but I'm tired. Stay tuned!

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*When I say we, I mean The Artiste and her sister in one car, and The Hot One, The Roommate, and I in another car.

**When I do tell this story, make sure I mention The Rapist, The Murderer, and the field of razorblades. Seriously.