My first blog ever...

Original posting date: May 09, 2007

I graduated from college exactly one year from this coming Saturday. If you had asked me on that day what I would be doing a year from now, I would have said that I would be getting ready to go to graduate school in Boston. I most definitely would not have told you that I would still be working at the job I've had for the last seven years. I would not have told you that I would be living with my uncle still to avoid paying rent so I could save money for grad. school (so much for that. The money I should have saved has pretty much paid for the four trips I went on this past year, in addition to my horrible fascination with eating out. Damn delicious food. I'm currently trying to be better. It's rough...).

If you had asked me six months ago what I would be doing today, I still would have told you that I would be getting ready to go to grad. school and start the newest chapter of my life. Let me tell you, things can change so much in six months. Hell, things can change so much in six days!
I am the type of person who always makes a wish when the numbers on the clock are all the same. I am the type of person who always hopes that things will turn out for the best. I am an eternal optimist. The clock currently says 11:11 pm. I was born on December 30, 1983 at 11:11 am. I, therefore, consider 11:11 (am or pm) to be my luckiest times of the day and I will religiously make a wish. The wishes I make at this time are never trivial. I wish for happiness. I wish for health. I wish that my mom figures out what she wants to achieve for herself and I hope she achieves it. I wish that my dad will one day quit smoking and I wish that he will be there to walk both me and my sister down the aisle. I wish nothing but good things on all the people who have come into my life and made it that much better.

Tonight I wished for clarity.

One of the most frustrating things about my current job is the lack of respect I get from certain people when they find out I'm still working there (I know I'm jumping around, but this is a process and who am I to interrupt the process?). I realize that working retail is not a glamorous job. Once again, it's not where I thought I would be today. When I graduated from high school, I told myself that by the time I was 25, I would be well on my way to being the vice-president of some Fortune 500 company. I told myself that I would be wearing the expensive suits and living in the high rise apartment and ordering the fancy, pricey drinks from the coffee shop on the corner or in the basement of the 50-floor building I worked in. I feel that I almost had the chance when I interviewed for the Gap internship in San Francisco. I wanted the corporate life. I wanted the money. I even wanted the stress.

Today, I don't think I want any of that.

Today what I want is for people to realize how much my crappy retail job has given me. It's given me the chance to develop leadership skills. It's given me the chance to break out of the shell of shyness I once had. It's given me some of the best friends, best experiences, and best memories I could EVER ask for. And, ultimately, it's given me the chance to realize what I truly want out of life.

I want freedom. I want the flexibility to be able to take a week off whenever I want and fly to Idaho Falls or fly to Las Vegas. I want the ability to be able to sleep until noon two or three days a week and not just on the weekends. I want the chance to meet new people every day and form lasting relationships with them that I know will last forever. I want to do something that makes me happy.

Right now, my job gives me everything I ask for. And while I may have days where I want to throw a stapler at a customer or where I have to eat two pieces of chocolate cake just to not think about what dumb fucks I work with, I also have days where we sit in the office waiting to call for radio station contests. I have days where I actually look forward to coming in at 6:00 am just because of the people who will be there with me. I have security in the fact that I know there will always be someone who will give me a high five.

Right now, I have the urge to tell everyone who ever questioned the fact that I STILL work at the same place to just fuck off! And I never tell people that.

The way I see it, I'm currently standing in the middle. To the right of me is the edge of inspiration (this is for Diane. We have such good conversations!!). To the left of me is the edge of frustration. Until something pushes me over either edge, I am happy where I am. I have a feeling I will get pushed over the edge of inspiration. Let's hope I'm right...