It's Hammer Time!

Attended the highly-anticipated recital of miss Princess Ballerina today, and let me tell you, never have I seen so many adorable ballerinas with so much attitude. I think there were 8 or 9 different pre-schools there, and each performance offered a little something different. There was the crier, and the little girl who did not move for the entire performance. There was the girl who knew every single move, and the girl who was always one step behind everyone else because she had to watch them first. And there were even some boys*, too! Two who were just a tad pre-occupied with their props and forgot to dance and one who did the best imitation of a fish I might have ever seen. All in all, it was highly entertaining.

And it definitely brought back some memories. I took dance lessons for a good 8-10 years of my life. I started out with tap, jazz and ballet, but soon dropped ballet because it was boooring and the outfits were ugly. I think my mother managed to find the only non-mormon dance teache in IF; looking back, we definitely had some scandalous outfits. My favorites were the yellow and black, spandex, cavewoman-esque** ones and the red and gold half top with the tutu/bike short combo. We were pretty hot stuff. Just ask BFF and The Pro, who were happily forced to watch some ancient dance videos my grandma dragged out on Halloween. (Thanks Gma Wava. I owe you!)

I was never the best dancer out there, but I definitely wasn't the worst. I'd like to say that this still holds true today, but the last time I went dancing, it consisted merely of a few step-touches and some booty-shaking. Dancing just isn't what it used to be.

*I asked The Pro why his mother didn't ever put him in dance class, and he responded with this gem.
"Because she loved me!"
So where'd all your mad, Wade-Robson-esque skills come from then?

**The dance we did while wearing these outfits was appropriately titled 'Walk the Dinosaur' and it remains my dad's favorite dance to this day. And with moves like The Popper and the Roger Rabbit, who can blame him? 'Boom boom, shakalakalaka boom!' (Seriously, go look it up on ITunes. It's amazing.)

Some people's kids...

Just a quick little rant (I will actually try and be quick this time. Just for you M2J2!)

The weekend was mostly spent hanging out with The Circle. We went on a crazy dirt-road adventure, saw a fox, and had a no-hands, loser-buys-ice-cream balancing contest. And then I almost died when I foolishly agreed to race The Range Boy up a mountain (not just any mountain. The steepest mountain in all the world). I lost, even with my 300 yard head start. It was a sad day.

In between all of that and the sweet barbecue we had in the park yesterday, we stopped at my apartment to visit my hammock and get Transformers for the BFF to FINALLY watch*. The boy roommate** and the girlfriend were there, but not for long. As they were leaving, I asked them where they were going. The girlfriend said something about a movie, and the conversation ended when she said something along the lines of "...just somewhere childless."

Now, she could have been referring to something completely different, some completely separate situation of her day, but I took this comment as a direct attack on me and my friends. Because, of course Princess Ballerina was with us. It's not The Circle without her. And I get that some people don't like kids and never want to have them. But here's the thing: we'd been there for maybe 5 minutes. Princess Ballerina is probably the best behaved child ever and we were all outside on the deck, far from the boy roommate's room. And is it really allowed for someone who is basically still a child herself to make a comment like that? Yeah, I didn't think so.

So then I started thinking about all the people I know who say they don't want kids. And the same holds true for the majority of them. They're all kids themselves, barely over 18, just barely starting their own individual lives. It's easy to think that you don't want a child when there's one running around, screaming, and putting their sticky hands everywhere. No one wants that. But that one child isn't representative of the millions of other children in the world, and it certainly isn't representative of a future child.

Basically, it all boils down to this: "Judge not, lest ye be judged." If the girlfriend had stuck around, she might have gotten the chance to hang out with the funniest 3 year old I know, the one who says 'Holla!' and shakes her booty with the best of them. And she would have been very lucky...


*We attempted to watch Transformers last night. As usual, BFF fell asleep. During TRANSFORMERS! Only she can get away with this and not make me want to hit her.

**If the boy roommate happens to read this, know that I'm not mad. I just thought it was weird. And then I wrote about it.

Best. Day. Ever!

Sunday was seriously one of the best days I've had in a looonnggn while. Why, you ask?

Because of this.

Her Fearless Tour was the best concert I've ever been too. And I've been to quite a few*.

Gloriana (anybody remember Cheyenne from MTV? It's her new band, with 2 guys and another girl) and Kellie Pickler opened for her. I didn't think I was a big fan of Kellie, but I think I was wrong. Her new album is not bad at all (especially since Taylor is featured on it!). And she has awesome shoes (have you seen how short she is? Crazy short!)

And then there was Taylor. I don't even really know how to describe the awesomness of that night. We had awesome seats (right behind Rocci Johnson even! Total added bonus.), she sang all of my favorite shows, and she even did 'Should've Said No' as her encore, complete with trash cans and rain. Seriously-it was my favorite when she opened for Rascal Flatts and it was even better this time. If you want (and you totally should!), go check out this video. Definitely not the same as seeing it in person, but it will do.

In other news, I got a sweet sunburn while hanging out with some weiner dogs, my apartment spent the last 2 days hanging out at around 87 degrees, and I swear I got a 3rd degree burn from the metal part of my seatbelt. I know everyone is ready for summer, but 94 degrees on May 18th? Give me a break. And a swimming pool.


*The first concert I ever attended was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Who's jealous? That was followed by Alan Jackson (gotta love 'Don't Rock the Jukebox!'), Britney Spears, Jack Johnson, and 3oh!3, just to name a few. And soon, Journey, FOB, Blink-182, and more Taylor! will join this list. Thank goodness for music.

You're Hired......Not!

I've worked in retail for a long time. No really-a looonnnggg time. Almost 10 years (crap! I really am old). And in those 10 years, I've seen a lot of 'interesting' people inquire about or apply for jobs.

Success rate for these 'interesting' individuals?


In hopes of helping out some of the 'interesting' ones out there (and entertaining the rest of you), I have prepared a list of Don'ts. Many of you may think these are basic, common sense things not to do. You're wrong. Obviously, they need to start teaching 'How-to-Get-a-Job 101' in high school.

1. When asking for an application*, don't wear your swimming suit. Or your pajamas. Or your sweaty work-out clothes. Or booty shorts and a belly-shirt (especially ones that were apparently half-eaten by the washing machine). A good rule of thumb is to overdress instead of underdress. You never know-someone might do an on-the-spot interview with you. And it's kind of distracting watching you try to pick a swimming-suit wedgie discreetly. And shoes? Were meant to be worn in public places.

2. Don't mention the fact that if you don't get a job by Thursday, your parole officer will send you back to jail. Not only did you just let me know that you were arrested ("not my fault that the bitch hit on my boyfriend and then ran into my inch-long fingernails with her face. Or that the police classify marijuana as an illegal substance. At least they didn't find the ecstasy pills!"), but you also just filled me in on the fact that you're not meeting the terms of 'good behavior.'

3. Don't criticize the clothing, food, employees, etc of the place you just got an application from until you leave the premises. I know a lot of people need jobs and will apply anywhere and everywhere. I also know that anyone under the age of 55 wouldn't wear the electric blue pant suit or the linen floral shirt with matching skirt, but if you did happen to magically get this job, you have to sell said items and be happy about it!

4. Lastly, if you somehow manage to get an interview, your response to 'tell me about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker and how you handled it' should not include the words 'party,' 'wasted,' 'bitch,' or 'assistant manager had to pull us apart but we talked it out when we were sober and are now really good friends." Keep it professional people**!

Bottom line: always assume you're being watched, judged, and tested. Because you are!

*Rule also applies to interviews. Even more so, to be exact. I don't care that all the employees and managers wear jeans and tshirts. It doesn't mean you should.

**Yes. These are all real examples. Sad, but true.

The Mountain

It dawned on me that I haven't yet shared any of the hilarious stories involving The BFF. And that, my friends, is truly sad. So why don't we fix that right now?!

I'm not really sure why this story popped into my head. But it's a good one.

The year-2003.
The place-Towers Hall. Fourth floor. BSide (which you must say like a gangsta. BSiiide!)

Quick sidenote: BFF entered the real world (i.e. she got a real job!) a little earlier than the rest of us BSiders. And because we eliminated the entire notion of a reasonable bedtime the minute our parents dropped us off, she spent the majority of her time at The Pro's apartment. When we were lucky enough for her to grace us with her presence, however, happiness and hilarity ensued. Back to the story...

Sometime during Spring semester, BFF and I decided that it would be a great idea to make strawberry daquiris. In the dorm (hey-we had a non-existent RA. It was only fair that we broke all the rules.). A not-so-great idea? Relying on The Pro to get us the rum. Ever had strawberry daquiris with Captain Morgan? Not so good. But trying to be the hardcore alcoholics that college freshman are supposed to be, we drank them. And bought some Coke from the vending machine and drank that.

(BFF! Remember how John hung out with us that night? That was weird. But fun. And I saw him two Wednesday-dinners ago at Angels. Still the same, old John. Which is refreshingly awesome. And where was Ashlee when we did this?)

LifeCoach also happened to be around that night, hanging out with TCox, and whoever else happened to be around. And being the responsible, soon-t0-be RA that she was, she checked in on us to make sure we weren't attempting to fly out the windows. And then she decided that we were being too loud. And so we went for a drive.

Another quick sidenote: LifeCoach is not the best driver in the world. In fact, I can't remember the last time she drove anywhere. But really, it is for the best. The world is a safer place. Love you, LifeCoach!

So, seeing as how BFF, LifeCoach and I were not fit to drive (BFF and I being under the influence and LifeCoach just being a bad driver), I'm sure your wondering how this act even took place. TCox made it all possible (Not sure if that was a good idea. Especially since I let him drive my car. Up a mountain.)

That's right. We took a drunken drive up a mountain. From what I remember, it was a good drive. Until we had to pee. Drunken pee cannot wait, especially when it is sloshing around your bladder as you careen around mountain curves. And so TCox pulled over. And BFF and I climbed up the hill we were next to to attend to business.

Have you ever peed on a hill? It might seem like a good idea, as the pee runs downhill and eliminates the risk of falling into it. However, a new risk arises. And that is getting pee on your shoes. Which I did. I'm hoping I wasn't wearing flip-flops.

Not the best story involving the BFF, by far. Next time, I'll fill you in on the night we went swimming. On a water bed. And how I lost my sock, my phone, my school ID, and my room key. And how the BFF spilled beer all over TCox's room and my camera. And how everyone thought that she secretly had a leather catsuit hidden in a closet somewhere.

Crap. I pretty much just told the whole story. You're lucky. Two stories in one post. And it wasn't even that long. Maybe M2J2 will read the whole thing this time.

And the winner is...


For the people I talk to everyday, this will be old news. But it is still great news. Friday is not only my payday, but it's also the day I get my $400 gift card that I won for working sooo hard! Don't worry-this is somewhat true. I did actually have to earn my entries into the lottery for said gift card. I just wouldn't call my work hard by any means. Slow, boring, overrated? Yes. Time-sucking and all-consuming? Yes. But I won't whine about the whole 44 hour thing. At least until the $400 is gone.

Plans for the money? P.F. Changs, maybe a massage, and maybe a ridiculously expensive raft for the summer. Maybe I will save some. And I'm even rewarding my lovely staff with an all-expense paid dinner. Because yes, I do realize that just because I am in charge of the store doesn't mean I get all the credit for making the sales go 'round. Just in case anyone was wondering.

As for a life update, I spent the weekend puppy sitting for The Artiste and PIC & M2J2. Not that any of their dogs are puppies anymore; it's just more fun to call them that. We definitely had a grand old time, full of toe-licking, toy-chasing fun. It is definitely apparent, however, that my schedule and a puppy would not get along. Someday, though. And yes-I might even get a cat. But only one that is trained to swat like a ninja whenever QS and The Pro are near.

Speaking of The Circle, we had a groundbreaking meeting this weekend. I'm not sure if I am allowed to discuss all the details, but I will say that we are now one member less. A sad, but entirely necessary thing.

Completely switching gears. I'm in a weird mood. And maybe it's because I feel like I'm in a weird place. Not a good or bad place. Just weird. One thing I have figured out, though, is that as long as I keep myself busy, then I'm completely happy with my life. It's the downtime that gets to me. Solution: No downtime! Good thing summer is almost officially here!

This was originally intended to be a much more entertaining blog. And then it turned into this. My apologies. I will do better next time! For now, I'm thinking a new summer mix is in order. A little Enrique, a little Asher Roth, a little bit of heaven!

Kirk out. (Go see Star Trek. Definitely worth it, if only for Chris Pine!)

Another Saturday night...

...and I ain't go nobody. I got some money, cause I just got paid."

Ten points to the first person who can tell me who sings that song.

Anyways-yes, it is Saturday night and I ain't go nobody. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. My mom came to visit me this week, and for some reason, the boy roommate and the girlfriend decided to stay at our apartment pretty much the whole time. While the girlfriend's apartment sat empty. Anyone else think that's weird? I thought so. Therefore, I'm glad that I have the whole place to myself. I made some spaghetti and garlic bread and I'm currently watching a Miley Cyrus special. Thank goodness for cable.

But enough about my loser of a Saturday night. Let's talk about SUMMER! Forget about the fact that it's currently raining outside; I've decided that May is the kickoff month. Starting with the super awesome kickoff party that will take place next weekend. Originally supposed to be the weigh-out party for the C.O.T and Swoobs' graduation celebration, it has since morphed into something different, due to the fact that Swoobs' has been officially nominated for impeachment from The Circle. Plus, we are all too lazy and decided that losing weight is over-rated. Details have yet to be finalized. Just know that it will be awesome.

Here's a list of everything else that I'm excited about.
(Please excuse the list format. Apparently, I am long-winded, and people like M2J2 don't have enough time in their busy lives to read about life as I know it. Boo, you whores!)

2. TAYLOR SWIFT! May 17th will be one of the best days of my life. Call me a loser, but I know you're jealous that you don't have tickets.

3. BOSTON 2009. The sister is graduating. Not only do we get to stay in the dorms, but I'm making sure that I make it to the coast to experience some real New England seafood. Even if I'm the only one.

4. Fourth of July. One of my top 3 holidays and it's even on a Saturday! It will be spent celebrating in Idaho Falls, because they do it up RIGHT! (Except for when it's on a Sunday, but let's NOT get into that.)

5. JOURNEY! Didn't go the first time they came, and seriously regretted it. Won't happen again.

6. The C.O.T. Cabin Trip. It was legendary last year, and I know it won't dissapoint this year.

7. The Roommate's Wedding! Sad that it will be our official get-together of 2009, but I'm so excited for it anyways! Mt. Rushmore and the dance floor-watch out! Here I come.

8. Patio Parties. Have you seen my patio/deck? Pure awesomness. Just wait until I get a hammock.

9. Floating adventures. The river has proven to be a damn. good. time. My raft's still in my trunk. I'm so ready.

10. VEGAS! Don't actually have a trip planned, but I seriously think this should change.

This is just a small list. There are thousands of other things involved in summertime. My flip-flops are ready, I bought new sunglasses, and the Summer 2009 mix is a work in-progress. Now if only my skin wasn't so blindingly white.