Ramblings continued...

So I believe I left off with the question of why I haven't done anything about my current life predicament. Here's what you need to know:

*I change my mind. A lot. Like every other day.
*If you asked me to list things I could see myself doing for the rest of my life, I could easily list 7. Which is a lot when you're trying to make a life-changing decision.
*I have a really good life in Boise. One full of family and friends that are like a second family. 98 percent of the time I have a fan-freakin-tastic time and life couldn't be better.
*I have this problem where I can't make a decision that affects myself without considering how it would affect a certain handful of people (namely my immediate family. Times are a little rough and I don't feel it's responsible of me to gamble with my life when it kind of gambles with their lives too.).
*I second-guess myself. A lot. Apparently, I'm not a risk-taker and fear plays a huge role in the decision-making process.

On the other hand of the spectrum, however:

*I'm a very restless person. I almost always have to be doing something.
*I always pictured myself somewhere completely different from where I'm at now. See this post for related information. It's also one of my favorites.
*My sister is currently living in Russia. Something I thought I would be more likely to do than her (not necessarily the Russian thing. But the living abroad thing.) It definitely bothers me that I'm still living in Idaho, still working in retail, and still no where closer to achieving any of my big plans.

So yeah. Every three months or so, I go through this funk. It basically consumes my entire life. I yell at myself for still living in Boise, for not going to graduate school, for not moving somewhere to experience life a little differently. I kick myself for not taking advantage of this carefree time in my life, the time when I could do anything I wanted. And then sometimes I make plans. For instance, last fall, I decided I was ready to leave. I decided I wanted to be a teacher. I decided that Portland was a good place to accomplish both (it also helped that PIC and Disco Pierre* had decided to move there too). And so I looked into school. And places to live. And then life got fun again and those plans completely fizzled out. Which really didn't surprise me or anyone else. Because that's how I roll.

And that's still how I roll. My current plan is to move to Greece. Don't ask me what I will do there. It just sounds fun and exotic and like it would make other people jealous. Don't worry, though. Tomorrow, I'll probably want to become a dentist. Basically what I'm saying is this: it's a good thing I still have four years left to figure my shit out. Because I'm going to need it.

*From here on out, M2J2 is now Disco Pierre. As in 'Disco Pierre Knead Stoner.' As in inside joke.


Challis said...

Once upon a time a girl named Challis had a very good life in Idaho Falls. She was going to school, had an awesome job, and was surrounded by all the people she loved most.
It kept haunting Challis though that other people were getting out of Idaho and not her. She felt insecure and like she was missing out on something. Sometimes she even felt embarassed.
Then one day Challis got a great idea to sell everything she owns, apply to law school and move to Boston. "Now everyone will be envious of me" she thought.
Several weeks later Challis woke up and realized that she hated law school, it was too expensive to live on the east coast, and while people in Idaho may think it was cool to live in Boston, nobody in Boston was impressed that she lived there...
Now Challis is stuck in this place until she and her husband can graduate. They want nothing more than to go where home is--Idaho--but have a deep down fear that they won't be able to return at this point.
The moral of the story is to go with your heart...but never base your decisions on what other people may think is rad. If you must have adventurous and exotic stories for your memoir, travel to certain destinations and then just say you lived there. Nobody will really think to fact-check.